Caveat to previous post

Now for a caveat to the last post.  We, as women (or maybe it's just me), have a tendency to take things just a bit too far.  Here's my example.

When we lived in Abilene, TX, I hosted and led a Bible study.  I had three kids, Tim was deployed, and I cleaned the house, led the study, and made a snack (from scratch, of course).  My goal was not to alienate people, but to welcome them into my house, with their children if needed, so they could be refreshed and have some "grown-up" time.  It turned out I was discouraging them.  One woman said something to the effect of, "I'd never host one of these - it's too much work."

All my hard work had been taken too far - and I'm glad she said something.  I started a sign-up sheet for snacks, I stopped worrying about my house being perfectly clean, and I started being more real.

I think women want to know someone who is authentic, transparent, honest, real - whatever adjective you want to use, I don't care.  We are so busy trying to show that we have it all together, that we scare people away from sharing their true selves.  I believe one of Satan's greatest tools against us is to make us think that we are the only one that struggles.  You are not.  If you think you are, you need to find SOMEONE to confide in that can encourage you.  If you can't find one, contact ME.  I am a hateful, horrible person apart from the love of Christ in me.  Just ask my friends from high school.

So here you go - I struggle.  I am a perfectionist, a control freak, prideful, and I have very high standards - that I too often rudely shove onto others.  You might think that "she does everything" - but you don't see my house, my room, my quiet time, my rude mouth to my kids.  I have learned that some things have to be let go - like my idea that I can control things.  I am learning that God's way is INFINITELY better than my way.  Do I waste time on the computer?  Yes!  Do I forget that my FIRST priority should be God?  Yes!  Am I rude to those that are the most important to me?  Yes!  I could go on and on, but I think you get it.

All this to say - yes, we need a clean house to be hospitable.  It doesn't need to be perfect....just try to keep it from being filthy and vermin-ridden.  <just kidding!>

Two Other Facets

Wow, can't believe I've not posted in so long!  We've been gone on several little trips here and there, but it is always great to return home.  There's nothing like sleeping in your own bed!

I want to touch on two areas of hospitality that most people probably don't think a lot about - coffee and cleanliness.  How's THAT for a combination?

Seriously, now, let's think about the cleanliness part.  If your house is filthy, people do NOT want to come, and therefore you can't be hospitable.  I'm not suggesting that your house must be pristine before you invite people in, but I do think that a dirty house is repulsive to people.  You should know that I am NOT a good housekeeper at all.  My mom worked outside the house, so I was responsible for "maintenance" at my childhood home.  That meant that I did dishes and laundry on a daily basis - and that's it.  Saturdays were the big cleaning day.  My parents would blast some music on their record player (yes, we had a record player!) - usually the Eagles, Englebert Humperdink, or The Oak Ridge Boys, and we would clean all day.  Great fun, right?  Wrong.  Anyway, when I got married and had kids, I didn't know how to keep up the house.  No idea.  I remember a conversation Tim and I had about it.  He asked if I could do better at keeping the house clean (his mom stayed at home when he was young).  I asked how exactly he wanted me to do that.  He didn't know, but knew that what I was doing wasn't enough.  Now, this isn't the time to crab about how horrible my hubby was - because I knew he was right.  I had NO idea how to clean a house - how often should I dust?  Vacuum?  Mop?  How to work in cleaning cupboards?

Enter Flylady.  Even if you think you're a good housekeeper, you need to visit this site and start getting e-mails.  She breaks everything down into small pieces, gives a great deal of encouragement (which I need to have), and reminds you that your house didn't get like this in a day, it won't be fixed in a day.  She helped me to figure out a cleaning schedule (which I don't stick to religiously, but certainly helps!), and also helped keep me focused.  I'm a cleaner that would find something in one room, go to another room to put it away, find something in THAT room that needed to be done, and so on and so on.  Nothing ever seemed to get clean, because I didn't focus for more than a few minutes.

So, how does this go back to hospitality?  The most pressing example in my head is the bathroom.  Flylady encourages you to "swish and swipe" each day.  It takes all of two minutes to swish the toilet with the toilet brush and to wipe down the sinks and seat of the toilet with a rag and cleaner.  And then it's ALWAYS clean enough for company.  I have been to houses where the bathroom is repulsive.  Not just dirty, repulsive.  It takes all of two minutes to clean it...and if you do it daily, it's even less difficult to clean.  It makes me not want to return to houses like that.  And that is most CERTAINLY not giving the gift of hospitality.

Okay, enough of that yucky subject.  I still hate cleaning, but Flylady's made it manageable.

Now, onto coffee.  I hosted home group (a Bible study) in my home for several years.  I remember SO many times people would say, "you make great coffee".  What???  I could never figure it out.  I have now.  I have had several cups of "brown water" at other people's houses.  I will give you the secret to good coffee....it's really hard, so get ready to take notes....are you ready?  Okay, it's....MORE.

Yes, I said more.  One tablespoon per cup.  At least.  I've started adding a bit extra and it's even better.  For example, I normally make 6 cups every day.  So...that's six tablespoons (I've recently started doing seven - yum!).  If you have a coffee scoop, figure out how many tablespoons it is and convert.  It's really that simple.

This goes back to hospitality because quite often, we'll serve coffee to people....and if it's brown water, it's not tasty.  We want people to enjoy being at our house (cleanliness, conversation) and enjoy what they eat and drink (properly seasoned, pleasing to the palate and the eyes).

I'm off to drink MY coffee now (with a bit of hazelnut creamer).

What is Hospitality?

Hospitality is kind of hard to define, don't you think?  It's inviting people into your house, but it's more than that.  It's making them feel welcome and loved.  So how do you do that?  I'm not sure it's the same for everyone, but here are some ideas from my experience.

1. Don't have your house TOO clean.  Yes, for the "special" event, you want your house to be clean, but for the "everyday" invite, you don't need your house to be spotless.  It can be very intimidating for people to come over and see your perfectly clean home.  They will then think THEY can't have people over without having a perfect house.  
2. Get as much stuff done before people arrive as you can.  If you can't spend time with your guests, they won't feel welcomed.
3. Whatever you don't or can't get done, be sure that you allow your guests to help if they offer.  Don't get so wrapped up in doing it perfectly that you ignore the human factor.  People like to feel useful and like they're a part of the fun.
4. Be flexible and be willing to laugh at yourself if something doesn't go quite right.  If you stress, your guests stress.
5. Last, but not least, HAVE FUN!!!